Merry Christmas! (and a quick catch-up)

So, since it's been a while, I figured it might be nice to recap the past couple of months for you ...

October

• Got my wisdom teeth pulled - now that was an experience! I've still got painful, numb teeth from that wonderful appointment! On the up-side, I got to enjoy a few days at home relaxing and sipping soup.
• Started a Return to Run program (my knees were kinda shot after RUN 143 and I've been going to physio since August)
• hmmm...what else...hockey started in full swing for Ian which takes up most of our weekends. I usually go watch as it's a time to visit with the other hockey wives.
• Best of all, as I mentioned in my last post, my awesome nephew was born!

Isn't he adorable?

November

• Went to an adoption conference put on by Patricia Irwin Johnston. We both thought it was worth it and now have a few more books to read.
• Had the opportunity to share at Journeys church about our adoption as well as receive the donation from the RUN 143 fundraiser. What a blessing to be a part of this event...I'm really looking forward to next year!
• Return to Run program started to go downhill...my knees weren't liking all that running again. Ian's running, on the other hand, is going great! He's already gearing up for next year!
• Went to cut down our Christmas tree again...here's a few pics:

(notice no crazy facial hair this year!)

(We figured it was easier to just shove the tree in the back of our vehicle)

December (so far...)

• Went for x-rays for my knees - things just weren't going well! I have now stopped my running program since I've been in more pain lately and am trying to stay motivated with my physio (if anyone has tips on how to make those exercises less painfully boring, please let me know!)
• Started looking into what we need to do for our 2 year paperwork update for the adoption :(
• As it usually goes in December, we've been busy getting ready for the Christmas season - buying gifts, baking cookies, Christmas concerts, family gatherings...all that good stuff
• We've also been trying to find times of quiet and peace during this season of advent and of waiting (sometimes easier said than done)

And to give an update on baby Klassen...well...there's ups and downs in this crazy world of adoption. A couple of weeks after we got the good news that things looked like they would be moving ahead, we got the unfortunate news that Canadian immigration was still reviewing things and we would get an update within 3 months - again. So, there's been silence since that update in October. No referrals, no new news, no signs as to when things will actually get rolling along again.

What can I say? This past month has been tough on both Ian and I. There are many days when I feel like I'm barely holding it together. We continue to wait with hope - some days with joy & peace, some with heartache & longing. We love you little one!!!

I pray that you will have a wonderful Christmas celebrating His birth...that's what it's all about!

SO Thankful!

I am overflowing with thankfulness, joy and hope today. As you know we've been waiting for an update regarding all the delay's with our adoption. Well...I am so happy to say that we got our update today and referrals can now continue!!!!!!!!

I don't really know what to do with myself. Ian called me at work today to tell me the news and I just couldn't control my emotions. It was like all that aching just came pouring out and I'm sure if I was at home I would have been a blubbering mess. I pulled myself together though and went through the day in a daze of gratitude and peace.

Ian and I went out for supper to celebrate and we were talking about God's incredible faithfulness through this process. We've seen His strength & goodness on the days that are painful and now on the days of celebration. In every season...He is still God.

We are now back in a place of waiting for the "call" and although that could still be a few months away, it is just so exciting to know there will be movement in the program again. I'm already thinking of all the things I need to do in anticipation for that big day. Better get going...

Woohoo!!!

I can't believe it. I am over the moon.

p.s. My sister had a baby boy yesterday so I became a first-time auntie! We love you, Finn! You are a little miracle! :)

Ready to Write

There are so many times when I think "I really should post something on our blog" but I've got to be honest...I don't want to.

I'm so tired of trying to think of what to blog about. Sure, I could talk about what we've been up to, how life is going, how I'm feeling with all this waiting, what I'm learning, etc., but when I started this blog it was to talk about our adoption process and right now there isn't anything happening. I don't want to keep writing about how we're hangin' in there, how the difficulty comes in waves, how I have no idea what's going to happen or when. I don't know...I guess I'm just frustrated that there's nothing to update you on. I'll keep doing my best, but if I don't post something in a while it's because I just don't know what to say. I did think of something today though...

It's Sunday - and for us it means that we attend church. Oddly enough, I find that being at church has been one of the more difficult things for me for the past while.

I don't know exactly why. Sometimes I'm emotional as I sing - about God's love, faithfulness, peace & strength. Sometimes it's hard to listen to whatever the message is about as it "hits home". Sometimes it's just that aching & longing when I see everyone with their kids (even if it means taking them screaming out of the service!)

I know church is community, but I actually feel very alone a lot of the time because nobody really knows how I'm feeling. They can imagine that it's not easy to wait, but they don't really know the intensity and craziness of all the emotions involved in this process. I don't expect them to. And I'm not looking for anyone to do anything. It's just the way things are.

Today, the message was about faith - believing that God exists and that He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him. I have no doubt that God exists and I believe that He cares more about me than I could ever understand. What I'm having trouble with is continuing to pray through all of this when I feel like it's not making a difference. I know He's listening, but I'm exhausted with pouring out my heart again and again and not hearing anything or seeing any answers.

Even after all of this said, I still wouldn't trade my experience for anything. I know that I am growing in my faith, in my relationships and as a person, which I think will make me a better mom. I also know that God is good. All the time. He is faithful and He WILL answer. When, I don't know, but I will persevere in trust & hopeful anticipation.

Here's To 6 Years...

Today, August 27, we celebrated our 6 yr. anniversary. What a journey we've had!

We celebrated yesterday with a great night out together and then this morning, Ian took me for a picnic breakfast. What an incredible morning to sit by the river and start the day! Thanks babe!

The rest of the day was spent with my extended family, celebrating my grandma's 85th birthday. Being with everyone made me realize how much I miss our family gatherings and how important it is to see each other & stay connected.

It was very evident in my grandma today...the love she has for her family, the thankfulness she felt in having all of her children there and the part of her that still deeply misses my grandpa. My grandparents were a beautiful example of love to the rest of our family and I am thankful for their faithfulness to God and to each other. I hope to have many wonderful and blessed years of marriage, just as they did!

(I know grandpa's eyes are closed, but I just really like this picture of them from our wedding)

I love you Ian and I can hardly wait to see what the years ahead hold! Whatever it is, I am so thankful to have you right by my side!!

Yep, Still Here

Hi! I don't have time to post right now, but I wanted to let you know we're still here. Just thought I'd share a song...gets me every time.

I'll try to write more soon!

Run 143

Hi everyone. We just finished the first 50km of Run 143 - amazing day - only 93km to go. To follow the run and latest blog posts - go to run143.blogspot.com.

Thanks!

Adoption Update :(

Hi everyone!

Well, we leave for North Battleford in 8 hrs. and I've got many mixed emotions tonight. I am SO excited for this adventure and to start running! I still don't quite know what I've gotten myself into, but I know it's gonna be great!

I'm also hurting & frustrated because we got another update from our agency and it looks like we're in for another 3 month delay. Seriously!! I don't know what to say. To say that this news is hard to hear is an understatement.

We will press on though, by God's grace. We are not about to give up now!!

It might seem like not the best timing...right before the run and all, but I think it might actually be good timing. What better way to get through a hard time than to surround yourself with family, friends, love and support.

Thank you...all of you.

To stay up to date on the run, you can visit www.run143.blogspot.com There will be videos and numerous posts throughout the day!

I'll leave you with a quote we received today...

“It is in the face of disappointment that the wise use their energy first to reflect before they react and waste the precious reserves of peace and sanity God provides us all to carry through those times”

Thumbs Up for Rock and Roll!

To add to our last blog post...Ian wanted me to post this inspirational speech in preparation for this week. (This is for you, Mike).

Only 5 Days Away!

It's July (obviously) and I'm feeling nervous, excited, anxious, etc.

First of all, RUN(one)43 is only 5 days away! I can hardly believe it's crept up on us already, although I am very ready to get out there and run. Not just to help support our adoption but because I am deeply passionate about caring for the fatherless and the forgotten. I have decided to run the entire 143km with Ian and I'm sure I'm naive to what's really ahead of me. The pain I will feel, however, is really nothing compared to what millions of children have to go through each day. I am honoured to run for this cause and to help bring awareness. We would love to have as many of you friends and family out there involved so if you haven't checked out the website yet or thought of how you might be part of this event...consider it!

Also, it would be great to have you join us for the BBQ at the finish line...this Sat. around 4:30 in Mewasin Park (if you don't know where that is, let me know). It's only $5/adult and will be a great time to celebrate the finish!!! (If you DO plan on coming, please let us know so we can at least have a rough idea of numbers.)

Second of all, we should be getting an update from our agency sometime this month. This honestly makes me more nervous than running 143km. I feel like I won't be able to handle another delay, but I'm scared to hope that things will actually get moving again. All I can do is pray. Pray for peace, a resolution to all of this, strength and patience. It's breaking my heart every day to think that our baby is waiting for us. I feel like an emotional mess some days and break down at the most unplanned times (like right now as I'm writing...sheesh!) Thankfully Ian is so encouraging and patient with me!

So, thank-you for reading, supporting us and praying for us. This baby is SO loved already and what a celebration it will be when they finally come home!

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Ramblings

It's been a while, but I haven't had much to talk about...still don't, really. We're working, waiting and wishing for summer weather!! I'll be done school next week and then starting a summer job the following week. It's hard to believe another school year is done! I'm still hoping that I won't have to start another year...but I know I was hoping for that last summer too, so only time will tell. C'mon referral!!

This past Sunday we were able to share with our church about RUN 143 and our adoption and it was very encouraging. We just continue to be blessed by the support of so many family members and friends. Thanks everyone!

As we wait, I've continued with my new-found hobby of making cupcakes. Some have definitely turned out better than others, but it's been fun! Here are a few samples...

These were much harder to make than they might look...don't think I'll be making those again!

Our class had an "Oceans" unit so I thought these might be fun to eat

Easter Bunny cupcakes

These might not look appetizing, but I think they were the most delicious...carrot cake and cream cheese icing! The candy on top was also yummy :)

These also totally didn't turn out the way I was hoping, but that's okay...I'll know for next time.

So, as you can see, I am filling myself with lots of sugar!

I can feel myself starting to get anxious again as mid-July approaches. We're not sure what to expect because, if you've been following us along the way, you know what it's been like. Surely things will start moving again soon, right?

Have a great rest of the week!

He Did It!!

I'm so proud of Ian! This morning he was 1 of 3180 runners participating in the 33rd annual Saskatchewan Marathon. My amazing husband ran the 1/2 marathon!! Woohoo! He enjoys the competition, but I know that the real motivation for him was our baby and training for RUN 143.

Here's a bit of the morning...

Looking relaxed before the race

Waiting for the gun...

I drove to different spots along the race to get out and cheer Ian on...

Here, I guess he was cheering for himself too! :)

Almost to the finish line!!!

Still smiling at the end

Don't mind the tired looks...we were up very early to get going!

It was a great day and makes me so excited for the big run! It's just around the corner! If you haven't already checked it out, visit www.run143.com **The website also continues to be updated with more info**

Have a great week everyone!

The Prayers of Kids

A few weeks ago the class I work with (gr.1) was on for chapel. I work at a Christian school and between the Gr. 1-4 classes, they take turns leading chapel.

Anyway, we were sharing about prayer and the different ways that people can talk to God. At the end, we shared a song talking about how we are not forgotten and that God knows each of our names - even the children of this world that may seem to be forgotten. The teacher I work with then asked me to share a little bit about our adoption and RUN 143 to have something personal and tangible for the kids. I was happy to have that opportunity.

So, fast forward to the following week. We broke into small groups to experience different ways of talking to God (through music, writing, speaking). Before that though, the gr.1 teacher had the kids (all 100+) of them gather around me in praying for our baby to come home!

Okay, so if any of you know me, you know that the tears flow pretty freely from these eyes of mine and all I could think was "Hold it together, Heidi. You can't fall apart in front of all these kids!" As the laid their little hands on me though and prayed their simple prayers, I was so overwhelmed with emotion!

Once they broke into the small groups, the had a chance to write down their prayers and I got to keep the ones that they wrote about us. What an incredible thing for me to hold on to. I believe children's prayers are powerful - they have unbelievable faith.

I wanted to share a few with you...

*Not sure if you can read this one. It says (word for word):

Dear God, Plese make miss closson have her baby so he is not frgotin. And he will have a good life. aman. I love you God.

Notice the little baby reaching his arms out of the basket :)

How can that picture not bring tears to my eyes?

What an honour it is to teach these kids. It makes going to work much, much easier. I am blessed!

A New Love - And The Motivation Behind It

Well here we are (It's me again - Ian). Thought I would write another post.

Running is becoming a new love. I haven't always enjoyed running but never disliked it either. I did a little more distance running when I was younger but not a lot in recent years. I'm an active guy and I love sports and athletics a lot. However, I never thought I would get addicted to running. The Run 143 event is to blame! - (for those of you who are hearing about Run 143 for the first time, go back a couple of blog postings) - oh and get involved. I began my training back in February, give or take a week or two. I started very slow and took it easy. With the pace I was at, I thought how in the world am I going to run 143km?I tried to be persistent and kept pushing through. It wasn't until around mid to end March when I started to push myself a little harder.

Here is what I call April, the victory month. Finally it began to warm up a little outside and I was drawn in. I began running around 5-6km runs a little more as part of my routine and by mid April I was doing a couple of 10km runs. I was pretty pumped! - probably looking like an idiot - but pumped nonetheless. Fast forward a little bit and here we are, first week in May and I have really surprised myself. Last Saturday, I ran my first half marathon. Honestly, I had not set out to do it that day. That was the same weekend we found out of the unfortunate news about the continued delay in our adoption process. As I was out on my run that day - I was set to do 16km - I was feeling pretty good around the 13km mark. At that point, I thought to myself, I think I could do a half marathon! Then I thought of the frustration of the news that previous day and said to myself, "I'm doing it! Take that, bad news - I'm running a half marathon"! Though that helped my motivation a bit, the running definitely wasn't easy. Nonetheless, I was able to finish it and felt some victory. Today, I ran another half marathon - and man did it ever feel better than last week. I am a lot further ahead in my training than I thought I would be at this point and I praise God for that.

I'm not telling you of this to boast or brag, but rather to tell - of what I believe - where the motivation comes from. From the beginning, even prior to the training, my motivation has remained the same. My purpose and motivation in doing all of this training for the upcoming running events, has never changed: Little babe - this is all for you! All I can think of is our precious child who is so patiently waiting for their homecoming. Last week during my run when I felt like giving in to my body and quitting , I continued to think of our awesome little babe and it gave me the motivation I needed. I kept saying to myself "I'm running to you little one, I'm coming". Though we don't know who this little one is yet, I can't and will never give up the fight. When I think of what these children have already endured and what they are going through now, all I can say is that my pain (physically and emotionally) is nothing compared to what some of them have had to endure already. When I am running I have two choices; one, to keep going or the other, to stop. Many of these children don't have a choice. This gives me the motivation I need to keep going - it's the least I can do.

There are many, many lessons that all of this running and training has been teaching me. Though I won't go through all of it right now, one quote that I've read sticks with me: "If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon." It reminds me that our adoption has both great moments and hard moments. No one said it would be an easy victory, but definitely one worth all the pain and suffering once you cross the finish line. Adoption is a very beautiful thing. Each story is different and each has an incredible journey. All of this running and training is teaching me many lessons and I am grateful for it.

One last point:

During my run this morning, there were two prominent things that came to mind. With mothers day soon approaching, one thing that laid heavy on my heart were the mothers who gave birth to the millions of orphans world wide. I can't begin to imagine some of their stories and how hard it must have been to give up their child. My heart goes out to those mothers this weekend. My heart also goes out to my beautiful wife and all the waiting mothers of this adoption journey who patiently await the arrival/meeting of their child. Bless you!

One other image that came to mind was that of a story and documentary I saw a few years back of Rick and Dick Hoyt; an incredible and inspiring story of a father who continues to live out complete love for his son in what seems almost impossible or unimaginable. I won't explain the story, but rather show this video that tells part of it. Please take a few minutes and watch. This has been my inspiration for today.

Aching

I wish I had better news to share. The truth is, my heart is aching. We found out that, once again...we will receive an update mid-JULY as to the progress of all this government "stuff." I don't really want to assume that I know what's going on anymore, but it basically means that our program continues to be at a stand still until then. It's hard to stay hopeful when you wait with baited breath for the end of the review or the next update, only to have your legs swept out from under you again and you are told to hang in there. We try to enjoy each day, but when you are so ready to welcome this child into your family...there are days when it just hurts too much.

Of course, there are things to be thankful for and to look forward to (finishing up the school year, RUN 143, summer weather, time with each other, etc.). We also know that it will "all be worth the wait" and once we see our little babe's face the painful wait will probably seem like a distant memory, but it doesn't dismiss the fact that right now it's hard. The difficulty in waiting for something that doesn't have a definite end is something we can't explain.

There are times when I don't know how or what to pray anymore. God knows my heart, He's heard my pleas and He is powerful and able to turn things around. So for now, I am choosing just to rest in knowing that He loves me. Truly loves me. Deep in my heart, I know that He has my best interests in mind even though I can't possibly understand why this all needs to be prolonged any more than it has. I will continue to cling to the peace that comes from knowing a loving God.

I found this song a couple of weeks ago and it's been a blessing to me. I find a lot of times that music has a way of speaking to me more than anything.

Thanks for thinking of us, praying for us, reading our thoughts and travelling this journey with us. We are so grateful.

Let's Get Running

Last year there was a first annual event held called RUN 143. (You may remember me writing about it.) It was a 143 mile run, from Regina to Saskatoon, to raise awareness about the staggering number of orphans in our world...approximately 143 million...one mile run for every one million orphans. It was also to raise money for a local family adopting from SA and for other organizations who advocate for orphans and children.

So this year, the running continues. We knew that we would get more involved this year, both with running and with helping to raise more awareness and funds, but we never knew the impact that it would have on us personally and on our adoption...

This year, the family who was blessed to be supported by the run last year are organizing the event. They approached us a little while ago and asked if, this year, we would be willing to be the family supported through the fundraiser. We are completely humbled and blown away by this blessing! God has been so faithful in His provision during this process. The Run and this family's generosity and hard work is helping bring our child home and making a difference in the lives of many orphans.

Words are not enough to thank our friends for this gift and honour. Not only will we be blessed by the support, but we are also excited to be raising funds for agencies both local and international who are dedicated to orphan care and adoption. We also believe it's important to continue raising awareness about the number of children in this world who need love.

So, Ian and I have started training for the event and if you know me at all, you will know that I am the most non-athlete around! I have to say though, we went out again today and I ran about 6.5 km straight (my amazing husband ran 10km)! I'm really not trying to brag, but for me, that is quite the accomplishment. We'll see how my muscles thank me tomorrow!

If you're interested in being involved in RUN 143 or would like more information...please visit www.run143.com

Have a great week everyone!

Post From The Future Dad..."Turn Down The Music"..."My Hero"

Well, I am finally putting my first post on our blog. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not Heidi. Up until this point Heidi has been the ultimate writer for our blog - and for that I am grateful. I thought it was my turn to throw down some thoughts and stirrings, so here I am ready to blog. However, some of what I initially wanted to share in this post will have to come in later post. I have had some other stirrings of the heart as of late.

As you may have already figured from the tittle, there are two parts to this post.

Let's start with with the latter of the two...

Part 1...

..."My Hero"

The process of starting our family through adoption has been one of highs and lows, laughter and tears. It has been one that we wouldn’t trade for anything. To pray for our little one and to hold a vision of what they may look and be like has been incredible. As a future father to this beautiful child, I cherish every moment in the waiting. Through the highs and lows, I have learned much of the two most important things in my life... God and my incredible wife. And to that I have saved this post for her. I have learned that Heidi is my new Hero. Take that Spiderman! Her strength, passion, love, integrity - and let's not forget - her bodacious beauty, has truly inspired me to be a better person each day. Through our journey, I have learned so much about her and truly I am in awe. Thank you Heidi for being the loving and caring women you are. I and our little one will truly be better people because of who you are and what you do. A message to you men, cherish and love your wives with all that you are! Heidi, You are my Hero! I love you.

Part 2...

...“Turn Down The Music”

This is the title of a song written by Shane Everett and Shane Barnard - incredible song writers. If I'm honest there are actually two songs that have been on my mind lately, but I’ll stick with one for now and maybe come back to the other in another post. I’ve known and listened to this song for a little while now. It has always been a powerful song for me, but more recently, it has tugged on my heart more than usual. “Turn down the music”sends the message to literally turn “it” down - what ever “it” may be that is blinding us - and to take notice of the orphaned, the hurt, the oppressed, the sick and so much more.

As I sit here thinking of how to describe the song, I find it hard to put into words the many meanings, parallels and spirituality behind it. So, I will let the song/video speak for itself and hopefully speak to you. Just a note, the video has a speaking intro for the first couple of minutes then goes into the song. Take a few minutes, listen and watch.

A friend of mine gave a challenge this week. In our efforts to try to please and accomplish so much in life and for God we miss out on the big picture. The challenge; stop trying to accomplish the “big thing” for God, but rather let myself simply receive God’s love. I’m learning that when we do this, it really opens our eyes, our hearts and compels us to want to give it away. Turn down the music!

The Reason Why

Recently, I was reading over previous blog posts and the more I read, the more I realized that although I've talked a lot about our adoption and the ups and downs of it all, I haven't really talked about why we're choosing adoption.

So, I've decided that there's importance in people understanding the "why." From comments I've received, I know that there are people who have the wrong idea or don't really understand and that is part of why I'm doing this. I'm not expecting everyone to "get it" after writing this, but I'm hoping you'll have a better understanding of our journey and why we've chosen to start our family through adoption.

It all started almost 3 years ago now when we decided to start our family. Little did we know the journey that would be ahead of us. I don't think any couple starts out thinking that it will be a long, emotional and challenging walk to have children, but ours has been just that. As I look back now, I (and Ian) can honestly say that we wouldn't trade it for anything. Our experiences have stretched us, helped us grow and given us friends and opportunities that we would not have had otherwise.

Adoption was always something that Ian and I wanted to pursue, but we just thought it would probably come a little later in life. Our decision to choose adoption was one of prayer and discernment as well as one of confidence and incredible peace.

Let me say this: We did not choose to adopt because it was "second best". I feel that's been the assumption for some people. "Oh, they must not be able to have children." Please, put that thought aside. There is no explanation as to why we couldn't conceive, but we were faced with two options: Continue "trying" or pursue adoption. One was never better than the other and we in no way feel like we are "missing out"or that this child will not be our own. I truly felt at peace when we took the plunge into international adoption and I know that peace could've only come from God. I felt new hope.

There are moments when I can tell that people are hesitant to tell me they are pregnant or to talk about others being pregnant. Please know that I do not feel sad hearing about these things. Yes, it's difficult sometimes to watch so many moms around me, but it's because I long to be a mom, not to be pregnant.

The joy that I feel in building our family through adoption and waiting for our precious baby is one that I wish more could experience. It is unlike anything I could ever explain. I honestly still can't believe that we are actually on this journey...one that I would do all over again given the choice.

We are adopting because there is a stirring in our hearts to bring a child into our family who otherwise would not have a family. Please understand that we are not out to save a child...we feel that there is a child out there that needs us as much as much as we need them. What a powerful thing it has been to pray for our child who we have never met, but one that we love so deeply already. They will be our own and we will be their forever family. What a gift that is!

Ultimately, this is something God has laid on our hearts and we can look back now and see how He has orchestrated so many events leading up to this point in our lives. We can hardly wait for the adventure that is ahead of us!

To our baby,

We love you, we're praying for you and we think of you always!

What's New

Okay, so not much is really new, but I thought I'd give you a quick "what we've been up to lately"

A couple of weeks ago, we were told we would have to update our fingerprint and criminal record checks. We took this as a positive sign because at least they are making sure all files are up to date and to be honest, it was nice to have something to do. After sitting around for so long waiting, I actually welcomed the errands and bits of paperwork. Hard to believe that we first did all of that over a year ago!

I also got a new cupcake book recently and had some fun the other day trying out my first recipe. I really enjoyed it and I think all the more because they actually turned out! Here's a little look...

I have some things on my heart to share as well and hopefully will have time in the near future to sit down and write. Until then...have a great day!

Fun in the Sun

What a difference in weather from last week! We really needed this sunshine and warmer weather.

The morning started off great. We went to another church this morning to see the Watoto Children's Choir and were blessed by their music and stories. It was also great to visit with one of the families we've been able to get to know through this process. What a beautiful family they have!

After some relaxation this afternoon, we headed outside again to enjoy the sunshine. It was so nice to feel the sun on my face as we walked!

Enjoy the pictures!

We went for a walk near the new development and the zoo close to our house

Ian just can't resist the snow

Perfect snowman building weather

We were slightly embarrassed about posing for this picture because I'm pretty sure the neighbours were watching.

Our little "watchdog"

Kids at Heart

The other day Ian and I decided enough was enough. We were going to try to enjoy the snow and cold. *In case you didn't know, we've been living in a deep freeze for the last...oh...I don't know...forever?* Seriously, it's just been really cold (like - 40C cold) for the last week or so.

Anyway, we put on our layers of gear and headed out for a walk. Back at home, we decided to see how deep the snow really was...

This is in our backyard!

Ian decided it was easier to army crawl instead of walk through :)

The front yard pile...

action shot

It was a good afternoon

365

One year ago today, our dossier was mailed off to South Africa.

15 months ago, we started this whole journey of adopting.

I had no idea what we were in for and although it's been more difficult than I probably imagined, I would make the same decisions all over again. Choosing to start our family through adoption is a beautiful thing and I'm grateful for this journey.

In other news, I'm at the end of a week off from school and although the break has been nice, I've also been sick the whole time. Bummer. Isn't that how it usually works though? Before the break, I thought..."Oh, I would just love one sick day at home to lie on the couch, read my book and sleep in". Well, I got many of those days over the holiday and now I'm just about back to my healthy self. Just in time to go back to work. :) Ah well, I miss the kids so I guess I'm ready to go back.

I feel like I have more to write, but I'm just not sure what right now. I'll have to save it for another day when my thoughts are more organized. For now, I'm going to go enjoy some time to read quietly by the fire on this cold, cold day.

Unknown

We're just past the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral and it looks like it we're going to pass a year.

We got an update from our agency yesterday and my heart sank. We've all been waiting to hear an update and what we heard was...we'll get another update in two months. Another 2 months!!!

I don't know what to say.

I'm feeling frustrated, sad, angry and weary. I don't understand.

All these families waiting. All the children waiting. My heart is breaking for them.

I'm out of words.

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."

~ Psalm 34:17-18

Out of the Mouths of Babes

For Christmas I got this necklace as a gift from my parents. I have worn it everyday since and I'm sure you can see why.

A few weeks ago, one of the Gr. 1 students I work with asked me why I was wearing it. This boy is especially curious. I told him the gr. 1 version of what this necklace meant to me. He had a couple of questions, but the conversation didn't go far.

Yesterday though, we had this conversation...

Student (in his little German accent): Mrs. Klassen, how many days until you get your baby?

Me: I'm not sure.

S: Well, do you have a dad? And a mom?

M: Yes

S: Maybe you should ask them?

M: They don't know either. Only God knows. (It's a Christian school so God is talked about freely)

S: Well, when my mom leaves my room, I open my window and I ask God things and he gives them to me.

M: So you think I should ask God how many days?

S: Yeah, maybe he'll tell you "one week"

*My heart was melting*

We actually had about a 10 minute conversation about adoption and our baby. He was so inquisitive and wanted to know things like...

- who would look after our baby? - because I obviously had to be at work (he suggested my dad)

- how many babies were there in Africa?

- how many babies were we going to bring home? (he thought maybe 100)

- what would happen to the other babies that we didn't bring home? (he was very sad to learn that some of them might grow up without a mom or dad)

I was so touched by our conversation and at the sincerity and innocence of it all. Children have an interesting perspective which is part of why I love my job so much. There was something about his matter-of-fact faith. Ask God...He'll answer. Why do our adult minds make that such a difficult thing? Why does doubt seem to creep in so easily?

So, do I dare ask God how many days until we meet our baby?

Maybe He'll tell me "one week".

Wouldn't that be amazing!

Newest Addition...

... to the baby room! :)

I just thought I'd share a bit more of the baby room. We finally got a rocking chair. I was looking for something a bit different than what is usually out there and I really liked the look of this one. I still need to get a cushion for it, but I'm very indecisive (I still even debate whether I picked the right chair!) so I haven't quite found one yet. Anyway, here it is!

Next up, the change table.

Other than that, I have no updates. Hopefully this week we'll hear some news about the audit/review. We got a bit of an update last weekend from the agency, but it really wasn't anything we hadn't heard already. They said they are confident that ultimately things will return to normal, so I'm trying to stay positive.

Well, Sunday afternoons are my days to relax and sit by the fire and since it's -40 outside with the wind, the fire is sounding especially great right now. Take care everyone and have a great week!

High's & Low's

So. Here we are, 2011. A year that we hope and trust will bring us the joy of a child.

My emotions are all over the place (as they have been for the past while!). I have moments where I'm feeling quite positive about the whole process. We have awesome support, a great agency, time for just the 2 of us and we feel incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to adopt. There are days though (and more of them lately) where I just want to curl up and sob. This waiting is stinkin' hard and to be positive ALL the time is nearly impossible. I try, I really do, but even as I sit here, the tears are flowing. We're done with waiting. We want to start our family. How long is this going to take?

I don't know what else to say right now, but please keep praying for us. As a bit of an update...the Canadian Immigration & Custom's department in S.A. is doing an audited review of the adoption process in S.A. We don't know exactly why they are doing the review, but apparently this happens in many of the international adoption programs. The review is supposed to be over sometime around the end of Jan. so please pray hard that anything negative that could come as a result of the review, doesn't. I believe and trust in a God bigger than the government and their "agenda."

Sorry for the not-so-cheery post, but I thought I should be honest.

I hope you are all having a great start to the New Year and I hope to be able to share good news with you soon.