Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Reason Why

Recently, I was reading over previous blog posts and the more I read, the more I realized that although I've talked a lot about our adoption and the ups and downs of it all, I haven't really talked about why we're choosing adoption.

So, I've decided that there's importance in people understanding the "why." From comments I've received, I know that there are people who have the wrong idea or don't really understand and that is part of why I'm doing this. I'm not expecting everyone to "get it" after writing this, but I'm hoping you'll have a better understanding of our journey and why we've chosen to start our family through adoption.


It all started almost 3 years ago now when we decided to start our family. Little did we know the journey that would be ahead of us. I don't think any couple starts out thinking that it will be a long, emotional and challenging walk to have children, but ours has been just that. As I look back now, I (and Ian) can honestly say that we wouldn't trade it for anything. Our experiences have stretched us, helped us grow and given us friends and opportunities that we would not have had otherwise.


Adoption was always something that Ian and I wanted to pursue, but we just thought it would probably come a little later in life. Our decision to choose adoption was one of prayer and discernment as well as one of confidence and incredible peace.


Let me say this: We did not choose to adopt because it was "second best". I feel that's been the assumption for some people. "Oh, they must not be able to have children." Please, put that thought aside. There is no explanation as to why we couldn't conceive, but we were faced with two options: Continue "trying" or pursue adoption. One was never better than the other and we in no way feel like we are "missing out"or that this child will not be our own. I truly felt at peace when we took the plunge into international adoption and I know that peace could've only come from God. I felt new hope.


There are moments when I can tell that people are hesitant to tell me they are pregnant or to talk about others being pregnant. Please know that I do not feel sad hearing about these things. Yes, it's difficult sometimes to watch so many moms around me, but it's because I long to be a mom, not to be pregnant.


The joy that I feel in building our family through adoption and waiting for our precious baby is one that I wish more could experience. It is unlike anything I could ever explain. I honestly still can't believe that we are actually on this journey...one that I would do all over again given the choice.


We are adopting because there is a stirring in our hearts to bring a child into our family who otherwise would not have a family. Please understand that we are not out to save a child...we feel that there is a child out there that needs us as much as much as we need them. What a powerful thing it has been to pray for our child who we have never met, but one that we love so deeply already. They will be our own and we will be their forever family. What a gift that is!


Ultimately, this is something God has laid on our hearts and we can look back now and see how He has orchestrated so many events leading up to this point in our lives. We can hardly wait for the adventure that is ahead of us!


To our baby,

We love you, we're praying for you and we think of you always!



11 comments:

  1. Heidi

    This is so beautifully stated. It's so important for people to understand that this is by choice and your commitment to the process.

    I feel like adoption is like a small miracle,that we can go literally around the world to create a family, is truly astonishing. The number of pieces that fall into place to make this happen, well, it's obvious that God is walking with you in this incredible journey. May he unite you with your little one soon.

    I cannot wait to see you mother this, your child.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my heart, Heidi and Ian you two are so wonderful and I love where your hearts are at about this. I cannot wait to see the child God has picked out for you guys- that baby is going to grow up so blessed. Every day in South Africa I prayed that the babies would find their forever families, and where ever in South Africa your baby comes from I am so thankful to know God answers that prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful post Heidi - I look forward to hearing news of your referral!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Heidi, I appreciate the thought you put into writing this. It was very well stated. I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to hear about when you have your precious bundle in your home and in your arms; I know you already have your baby in your heart. Blessings on you during this journey.

    ReplyDelete
  5. praying for you guys all the time.
    i am now able to somewhat understand both sides of this and your patience is admirable!!!
    i am going crazy waiting and it's only been 2 1/2 months!! i need to learn from you! :)
    praying that God brings you news soon and that this wait till be long gone history very soon as you hold your precious babe.
    love you guys...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Heidi,
    I'm a friend of Candra's (she posted your blog on facebook and I can't resist anything about adoption). We are adopting a sweet, happy little 8mth old girl from Ethiopia. We waited 13 mths for a referral and now it has been almost 5 mths of waiting to bring her home! So much waiting - but it is worth it!
    This was so beautifully written, it made me cry. My friend has gone through close to what you are going through. Her husband and her tried to get pregnant for 4 years and decided to adopt instead of pursue medical advice on getting pregnant. She just wanted to be a Mommy and felt God was telling them to adopt now instead of later. The adoption process was longer than anticipated (and they did a domestic adoption) and had many hurtful bumps along the way. But God is faithful and good! They are celebrating their sweet baby boy's 6 month birthday today! He is such a sweet and happy blessing from God!
    Just wanted to encourage you in your journey! We will be praying for you as you continue waiting and finally bring your baby home!
    Chandra Benner

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Heidi, that was a beautifully written post, it truly was. Our path sounds similar to yours, we waited many years, and lost little ones to heaven as well....in the end all of THAT led us to our beautiful daughter and to our future son. I would not trade any of the pains we had to go through to have our family. Adoption is never a second choice, it's a choice. Plain and simple.

    God always has the plan---we just don't know about it sometimes till a little later!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are so articulate Heidi! Very well put. I am blessed by you and our friendship! Your heart is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you for your post!! It was such an encouragement to me!!! Looking forward to getting to know you better!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey you two!

    I remember growing up talking about adoption with you Ian, and how it was something we both wanted to peruse when we "grew up". It was of no surprise to me when I first heard the news that you had started the Adoption process.
    One thing I can say is that ignorance is just a lack of knowledge, therefore I'm happy to see your most recent post. I trust this will only help educate and even be an inspiration.

    I know patience can be tough at times, but I know you both have embraced this as part of the journey, and when the day comes to hold your child, the waiting will be but a distant memory!

    Your bro' Troy in Toronto

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Heidi,

    I know you don't know me, but I've really been enjoying your blog, and have "followed" you. (Hope you don't mind!). Our stories sound so similar, and it's been wonderful to read the thoughts of someone who is going through a similar circumstance. My husband and I are from New Brunswick, and have just started the process of adopting from South Africa. I look forward to reading how your progress goes. Thanks for sharing your story!

    Jana

    ReplyDelete