The Reason Why

Recently, I was reading over previous blog posts and the more I read, the more I realized that although I've talked a lot about our adoption and the ups and downs of it all, I haven't really talked about why we're choosing adoption.

So, I've decided that there's importance in people understanding the "why." From comments I've received, I know that there are people who have the wrong idea or don't really understand and that is part of why I'm doing this. I'm not expecting everyone to "get it" after writing this, but I'm hoping you'll have a better understanding of our journey and why we've chosen to start our family through adoption.

It all started almost 3 years ago now when we decided to start our family. Little did we know the journey that would be ahead of us. I don't think any couple starts out thinking that it will be a long, emotional and challenging walk to have children, but ours has been just that. As I look back now, I (and Ian) can honestly say that we wouldn't trade it for anything. Our experiences have stretched us, helped us grow and given us friends and opportunities that we would not have had otherwise.

Adoption was always something that Ian and I wanted to pursue, but we just thought it would probably come a little later in life. Our decision to choose adoption was one of prayer and discernment as well as one of confidence and incredible peace.

Let me say this: We did not choose to adopt because it was "second best". I feel that's been the assumption for some people. "Oh, they must not be able to have children." Please, put that thought aside. There is no explanation as to why we couldn't conceive, but we were faced with two options: Continue "trying" or pursue adoption. One was never better than the other and we in no way feel like we are "missing out"or that this child will not be our own. I truly felt at peace when we took the plunge into international adoption and I know that peace could've only come from God. I felt new hope.

There are moments when I can tell that people are hesitant to tell me they are pregnant or to talk about others being pregnant. Please know that I do not feel sad hearing about these things. Yes, it's difficult sometimes to watch so many moms around me, but it's because I long to be a mom, not to be pregnant.

The joy that I feel in building our family through adoption and waiting for our precious baby is one that I wish more could experience. It is unlike anything I could ever explain. I honestly still can't believe that we are actually on this journey...one that I would do all over again given the choice.

We are adopting because there is a stirring in our hearts to bring a child into our family who otherwise would not have a family. Please understand that we are not out to save a child...we feel that there is a child out there that needs us as much as much as we need them. What a powerful thing it has been to pray for our child who we have never met, but one that we love so deeply already. They will be our own and we will be their forever family. What a gift that is!

Ultimately, this is something God has laid on our hearts and we can look back now and see how He has orchestrated so many events leading up to this point in our lives. We can hardly wait for the adventure that is ahead of us!

To our baby,

We love you, we're praying for you and we think of you always!

What's New

Okay, so not much is really new, but I thought I'd give you a quick "what we've been up to lately"

A couple of weeks ago, we were told we would have to update our fingerprint and criminal record checks. We took this as a positive sign because at least they are making sure all files are up to date and to be honest, it was nice to have something to do. After sitting around for so long waiting, I actually welcomed the errands and bits of paperwork. Hard to believe that we first did all of that over a year ago!

I also got a new cupcake book recently and had some fun the other day trying out my first recipe. I really enjoyed it and I think all the more because they actually turned out! Here's a little look...

I have some things on my heart to share as well and hopefully will have time in the near future to sit down and write. Until then...have a great day!

Fun in the Sun

What a difference in weather from last week! We really needed this sunshine and warmer weather.

The morning started off great. We went to another church this morning to see the Watoto Children's Choir and were blessed by their music and stories. It was also great to visit with one of the families we've been able to get to know through this process. What a beautiful family they have!

After some relaxation this afternoon, we headed outside again to enjoy the sunshine. It was so nice to feel the sun on my face as we walked!

Enjoy the pictures!

We went for a walk near the new development and the zoo close to our house

Ian just can't resist the snow

Perfect snowman building weather

We were slightly embarrassed about posing for this picture because I'm pretty sure the neighbours were watching.

Our little "watchdog"

Kids at Heart

The other day Ian and I decided enough was enough. We were going to try to enjoy the snow and cold. *In case you didn't know, we've been living in a deep freeze for the last...oh...I don't know...forever?* Seriously, it's just been really cold (like - 40C cold) for the last week or so.

Anyway, we put on our layers of gear and headed out for a walk. Back at home, we decided to see how deep the snow really was...

This is in our backyard!

Ian decided it was easier to army crawl instead of walk through :)

The front yard pile...

action shot

It was a good afternoon

365

One year ago today, our dossier was mailed off to South Africa.

15 months ago, we started this whole journey of adopting.

I had no idea what we were in for and although it's been more difficult than I probably imagined, I would make the same decisions all over again. Choosing to start our family through adoption is a beautiful thing and I'm grateful for this journey.

In other news, I'm at the end of a week off from school and although the break has been nice, I've also been sick the whole time. Bummer. Isn't that how it usually works though? Before the break, I thought..."Oh, I would just love one sick day at home to lie on the couch, read my book and sleep in". Well, I got many of those days over the holiday and now I'm just about back to my healthy self. Just in time to go back to work. :) Ah well, I miss the kids so I guess I'm ready to go back.

I feel like I have more to write, but I'm just not sure what right now. I'll have to save it for another day when my thoughts are more organized. For now, I'm going to go enjoy some time to read quietly by the fire on this cold, cold day.

Unknown

We're just past the 11 month mark of waiting for a referral and it looks like it we're going to pass a year.

We got an update from our agency yesterday and my heart sank. We've all been waiting to hear an update and what we heard was...we'll get another update in two months. Another 2 months!!!

I don't know what to say.

I'm feeling frustrated, sad, angry and weary. I don't understand.

All these families waiting. All the children waiting. My heart is breaking for them.

I'm out of words.

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."

~ Psalm 34:17-18

Out of the Mouths of Babes

For Christmas I got this necklace as a gift from my parents. I have worn it everyday since and I'm sure you can see why.

A few weeks ago, one of the Gr. 1 students I work with asked me why I was wearing it. This boy is especially curious. I told him the gr. 1 version of what this necklace meant to me. He had a couple of questions, but the conversation didn't go far.

Yesterday though, we had this conversation...

Student (in his little German accent): Mrs. Klassen, how many days until you get your baby?

Me: I'm not sure.

S: Well, do you have a dad? And a mom?

M: Yes

S: Maybe you should ask them?

M: They don't know either. Only God knows. (It's a Christian school so God is talked about freely)

S: Well, when my mom leaves my room, I open my window and I ask God things and he gives them to me.

M: So you think I should ask God how many days?

S: Yeah, maybe he'll tell you "one week"

*My heart was melting*

We actually had about a 10 minute conversation about adoption and our baby. He was so inquisitive and wanted to know things like...

- who would look after our baby? - because I obviously had to be at work (he suggested my dad)

- how many babies were there in Africa?

- how many babies were we going to bring home? (he thought maybe 100)

- what would happen to the other babies that we didn't bring home? (he was very sad to learn that some of them might grow up without a mom or dad)

I was so touched by our conversation and at the sincerity and innocence of it all. Children have an interesting perspective which is part of why I love my job so much. There was something about his matter-of-fact faith. Ask God...He'll answer. Why do our adult minds make that such a difficult thing? Why does doubt seem to creep in so easily?

So, do I dare ask God how many days until we meet our baby?

Maybe He'll tell me "one week".

Wouldn't that be amazing!